Just a few years ago I learned something about my mom I never knew before. At five years of age my mother was cooking dinner most nights for her entire family.
Her mother (my grandmother, "Bombo," the first grandchild's attempt to say "grandma!") was often bed-ridden with a debilitating heart condition. Mother's older sister, Elizabeth, was a severe diabetic who died as a teenager. Most days "Bombo" was either ill in bed or nursing her fragile diabetic daughter.
So my five year old mother looked after her two baby brothers, Buddy and Tom. And when dinnertime came, mom dragged the step stool over to the gasoline stove, hopped up on it, lit the flame, and cooked grits and eggs for the whole brood. It was Depression era, and most nights my Granddaddy got home from the two jobs he worked just in time to tuck all the kids into bed. Mom shook her head as she remembered how the flame from that gas stove shot straight up to the ceiling, "It's a wonder I didn't burn the house down!" she laughed.
Mom told me that story as a funny reminiscence. But it was a huge eye-opener for me. I realized that as a five year old--and all throughout her childhood--my mom had to carry far more responsibility than any little child should have to.
What about your mother? She very likely experienced her own burdens, or emotional wounds and injuries growing up. Maybe she didn't feel loved or nurtured, maybe no physical touch or empathy was expressed to her growing up, and she couldn't give to you what she didn't have.
Maybe when you were a child she was ill or depressed, or had other problems you didn't realize at the time. Perhaps her marriage was a mess, or your other siblings' problems consumed her, or maybe she had challenges or responsibilities with her own parents and family members.
As the old saying goes, if we haven't walked in someone else's shoes, we have no idea what they've gone through or what they're dealing with. If you think about some of the stressful times in your own adult life, and then imagine having a child at that time with all that was going on, you can have a little better understanding and empathy for what your own mother was going through when you were a child. You can release her from your unmet expectations of her; you can forgive her for what she couldn't give you.
To try to understand your mother's past and current life circumstances, even her frailties and weaknesses, and accept them, is to begin to love her as she is. Understand where she came from, what she's been through, what the demands were on her life . . . and you'll find it easier to relate to her, accept her, and more fully appreciate her.
So this Mother's Day, if you're able, ask your mom about her own life. It can be pretty enlightening. You'll start to see her, not just who she is in relation to you, but actually get to know her, to discover and appreciate more and more who she really is.
And by doing that you honor your Mother! Happy Mother's Day!
I think we're all in the same boat. My guess is we're all facing financial setbacks and struggles. Encouragement and Hope--we all sorely need it, don't we? I sure need to hear and speak uplifting, positive truths in the midst of these potentially fearful times. How about you?
Now, I'm not usually big on repeating "affirmations." I'm not into plastering yellow sticky notes all over the mirror, computer and refrigerator, pumping my fist in the air, robotically repeating mantras: "I am powerful," "I attract abundance and joy," "Today I glow with love all around me and I glisten with happiness"--Yeah, I know, "glisten!"--but I kid you not, I just read that one on a popular church's website!
We who are followers of Jesus have many words of affirmation and hope from The Book that we can trust and cling to. Jeremiah 29:11--"For I know the plans I have for you . . . to give you a future and a hope." Psalm 40:2--"He drew me from the pit . . . and set my feet upon a rock." And Isaiah 43:19--"See, I am doing a new thing . . . making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."
One of my favorite assurances has always been God's promise in Hebrews 13:5b--"I will never leave you nor forsake you." I quote it to myself and to others on a regular basis. But just today, I read it again--in context--and realized that the verse has to do with finances--being content with God's provision instead of feeling stressed and anxious. "Keep your life free from the love of money and be content with what you have, for He has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you,' so we can confidently say, 'The Lord is my Helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?'" (Hebrews 13:5-6).
I especially love 'The Message" translation, listen to this: "Don't be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, 'I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,' we can boldly quote,
'God is there ready to help,
I'm fearless no matter what.
Who or what can get to me?'"
(Hebrews 13:5-6 'The Message')
What a promise and powerful encouragement! What tremendous hope! Now those are affirmations I will joyfully speak out! Those sentences are worth writing on sticky notes all over my house and repeating aloud every single day, aren't they?!
So this month, and in the difficult days and months ahead, let's makes those words our daily meditation and affirmation. Wanna join me? All together now:
Your turn: What do you think? I'd love to hear what promises bring you the most affirmation and encouragement. Post here:
Many have speculated that the site of Jesus' burial and resurrection lies somewhere within the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, inside the walls of the Old City of Jerusalem. But I believe it was at the Garden Tomb, just outside the walls.
Several years ago I took this picture as I walked through that tranquil garden, lush with greenery and wildlife, and then stooped and entered the tomb. A soft beam of light spilled into the darkened room, revealing the place where His body would have been laid.
As I stood alone in that still place, reflecting on Jesus' resurrection, I imagined what it would have been like to be there with Mary Magdalene and Mary the wife of Clopas when they saw that shining angel and heard him tell them not to be afraid, but to come see the place where Jesus had lain. I could almost hear an otherworldly murmur, a sound like an angel's sigh, "He is not here; He has risen, just as He said" (Matthew 28:6).
It's hard to comprehend the wonder of Jesus' resurrection, harder still to grasp the miracle that because He rose again, we too are resurrected. He knows how cynical and fearful we can be, how full of doubt and empty of faith. But Love asks us to receive this new life . . . through belief.
The book of Mark tells the story of Jairus, a synagogue ruler whose twelve-year-old daughter had died. "Don't be afraid," Jesus said, "Just believe." He took the child by the hand, and said "Little girl, I say to you, get up!" and immediately she rose and walked around. Luke writes of the resurrection of the only son of a widow from Nain, and John tells us about the resurrection of Lazarus--four days after he died. When Jesus ordered the stone rolled away, Lazarus' sister, Martha, protested. She believed her brother was too far gone. But Jesus didn't.
There's another resurrection story, but you won't find it in the pages of Scripture. It's mine.
When Jesus rose from the dead, the first person He appeared to was Mary Magdalene, a woman from whom He had driven seven demons. I love it that the one who had had so little hope, the one who was most consumed by darkness, was the one who saw Him first. I like to think that if I had been there that day, perhaps He would have revealed Himself to me first.
Before Christ gave me new life, I was a lot like Mary. Stone cold dead in a tomb of my own making. Wearing the grave clothes of selfishness, brokenness, and sin. Searching for love in romantic entanglements. Desperately looking for life in religions and philosophies.
You would think I was too far gone.
But Jesus didn't. He rolled away the stone that was my heart, took my hand, and shouted, "My daughter—get up!"
Someday, after we have shed our failing, mortal bodies, those who believe in Him will be outfitted in glorious new bodies, made to live eternally with Him. But we don't have to wait for that day to enjoy the wonder of our resurrection. "I tell you the truth, whoever hears My word and believes Him who sent Me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life" (John 5:24).
Present tense. Here and now. Love asks only that we believe.
"I am the Resurrection and the Life. He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25-26).
Lord, I am in awe when I think of Your resurrection
and am overwhelmed that because You live, so do I!
You have brought me from death to life.
Help me to receive, through faith, all that my new life in You really means.
Thank You that the eternal life You give is not just for the future,
but includes today.
Help me to live each day full of life, full of hope, full of faith!
Ah . . . February--the month of love . . . and loving-kindness.
So . . . I have a question for you. How would you like to express your love to others in a way that is guaranteed to make them feel loved? Whether it's romantic love or love for friends and family, there are countless ways we can show love to each other; but the best way is to tell them in a way that means something to them, in a language they understand. The secret is to learn their "love language."
Dr. Gary Chapman says each of us responds especially to one of these five: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, or Physical Touch. I'll tell you a secret: my language is Words of Affirmation along with a smidge of Acts of Service, and my husband's is a tie between Affirming Words and Physical Touch. Do you know what "language" you respond to? Your significant other? Your children & your friends?
You've heard the story about the little boy awakened in the night by a thunderstorm. His mother came into his room and assured him he didn't need to be afraid, Jesus was right there with him. Through crocodile tears he sniffled, "Yeah, I know, but right now I need Jesus with skin on!" She wrapped him in her arms and held him close. It was a language he understood.
God demonstrated His love for us in a language we could understand. He did what no one had ever done before. He left His glory, slipped into skin and dwelt among us. He took our place and paid for our wrongdoing. And God demonstrated His love for us by showing us how to love one another.
We do that the same way He did, by using language they can understand. Sometimes we use words, but we can also become "Jesus with skin on", and do the same kinds of things He did while He was on earth. Love should be our distinguishing mark--the obvious, unmistakable trait that makes us known.
Do you ever think about all the people who have blessed you throughout your life? The tireless teachers, generous relatives, and thoughtful neighbors? Some encouraged, some disciplined, some just listened. They took time out of their lives to love you. Sometimes it was gentle love; sometime it was tough. Sometimes, frankly, it didn't feel so good--like the coach who wouldn't settle for your performance on the field, or Mrs. Horn, who wouldn't settle for mine on the piano. Maybe we didn't welcome their "input" at the time, but with the gracious gift of hindsight, today we can see how we benefited from their love. How grateful we are that they spoke to us in a language we could understand!
Life is about love. We are here to learn to love. And we do that by practicing on each other. It is in loving that are most like Him, so love is His consistent command. "A new command I give you . . ." Jesus said. "As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35)
We're to be Jesus with skin on. That's what Love looks like.
Love looks like my friend Julaine, who brings fresh-baked goodies to the gals in her office and insisted on driving her office-mate, Claire, to all her chemo appointments. Love looks like sweet Mary, who visits my mom in the nursing home three times a week to help her eat dinner, read the mail, and send out mom's signature birthday cards, complete with red hand-drawn hearts. Love looks like our neighbor Tom, who donated a portion of his liver to save the life of a stranger, and our friend Steve, who's doing countless surgeries in Haiti, in the aftermath of that devastating earthquake on our island neighbor.
And love looks like you when you speak words of love or deny yourself something you want in order to bless, encourage, or help someone in real need. When we say "God loves you" and then roll up our sleeves, pull out our checkbook, or sacrifice our time and sweat and tears to show what love looks like, those in sorrow or deep crisis will begin to believe it.
Acts of kindness, great or small--costly sacrifices or considerate gestures, every time you do an act of loving-kindness, you're being Jesus with skin on to others. You're speaking a language they can understand. And God will magnify even the smallest of your deeds to demonstrate His great love to them.
It's your turn: Think about someone--now what ONE new thing could you do to show that person you love them, in a language they'll understand. I'd love to hear about it . . . please post a comment!
Do you have a favorite Christmas tradition at your house?
Ornaments are my favorite tradition.
As I "dress" our Christmas tree I'm flooded with sweet memories. Every ornament holds significance. Every ornament is infused with love.
Every ornament was made by my mother.
Each one is unique, sparkling, elegant . . . like mom. Encrusted with glimmering jewels, pearls and beads, the tree is luminous with the soft glow of faceted gems, gold braid, satin and velvet. No Faberge egg in any museum could compare with her ornaments.
The tradition began the year I was born, and year by year the collection grew. The journey of my life can be traced through mom's ornaments like a roadmap.
At age eight, when I got my first pair of little blue eyeglasses, she made a blue ornament with an intricate design of iridescent stones. The shiny silver beaded ornament swagged and criss-crossed in a spider web of orthodontia-looking wire and braid marked the year I got my braces. The purple satin ball with the triumphant gold crown of the "King of Kings" atop, was made the year I was Miss Florida. A rainbow-colored fan of jewels and peacock feathers marked my first TV series for the "peacock network," NBC. And when I became "Matlock"'s law partner she made a silvery blue-gray ball that looked for all the world like Andy Griffith's gray seersucker suit! The oval rose-colored satin ball covered in sea pearls and lace snipped from my wedding gown celebrated the year I was married.
Through the years Mom's ornaments have chronicled events in my life both big and small . . . joyous and heartbreaking . . . just like life itself.
The year my Daddy died mom covered an ornament with a swatch of his favorite plaid work shirt. It still smells like Old Spice, and every year when I unwrap it, I hold that ornament close to my face and breathe in his memory, the loving fragrance of his life, and thank God that He gave him to me as my dad.
Mom's angel ornament is especially significant; after two devastating and heart-crushing miscarriages mom made an angel ornament to give me a glimpse beyond the realm of earth, the assurance and comforting reminder to me that I have two babies in the arms of Jesus -- and I will one day hold them in heaven.
The following year was equally hard -- two adoption attempts failed and I was co-starring in a TV movie, "A Child Too Many" -- ironically -- about an infertile couple who hire a surrogate to have their baby, then lose the child in a custody battle. That year mom covered a ball with canvas tent fabric and circled it with tiny hand-hewn wooden tent pegs. I recognized it immediately -- Isaiah 54-- "Sing, O Barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy . . . more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband . . . Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide . . . for you will spread out to the right and to the left . . ." Mom's ornament reminds me that I do have the blessing of many children in my life -- spiritual children, women I get to minister to around the country through speaking and books, a slew of incredible god-children, a beautiful step-daughter, and 8 year old grandson.
God has enlarged the place of my tent!
There have been several years of relentless, crushing circumstances and painful disappointments -- things just like you go through in your life: financial crisis, unemployment, health challenges, and a huge forest fire followed by mud slides that left our ranch retreat center we'd build scorched and decimated . . .
In the midst of this mom made perhaps the most beautiful ornament of all. She covered a ball in rough, gritty sandpaper, then scattered it with beautiful pearls; a reminder that the beauty of a pearl is produced -- through pain. As a tiny, gritty grain of sand invades the oyster, the oyster releases a healing fluid until finally the irritant is covered -- by a pearl. Without the irritant . . . it's just an oyster. No painful irritant . . . no pearl. So, just as Mom's sandpaper and pearl ornament reminds me, I remind you, that whatever you're going through right now, trust that God, through all your difficult circumstances, is grinding you, polishing you, AND He's releasing His healing balm over you, preparing you to be His luminous pearl and sparkling jewel!
My mom is 89 years old now, in a nursing home, and nearly blind -- macular degeneration has stolen her vision. A few years ago she gave me the last ornament she could make. It's my favorite -- white and gold, the bottom tassel from the pendant of her favorite gold necklace that I played with every night as a child as she rocked me in her lap at bedtime, softly singing her favorite hymn, "I Come to the Garden Alone." I wrote about it in The Wonder of His Love, in a chapter called "Comforting Love." Every year as I hang that ornament I'm reminded of God's tender care and promise: "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you" (Isaiah 66:13).
Mom's ornaments are beautiful. Truly works of art. But more, they are expressions of her creativity and her love, invaluable treasures that remind me of our life together and how well she knows me.
I believe they're also a "picture," a glimpse of how intimately God knows us. "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart" (Jeremiah 1:5).
Imagine! He knows our entire lives, from beginning to end, since before we were ever born, before the earth was ever created. Like these ornaments, He made each one of us utterly unique, His exclusive work of art.
We all long to have someone who fully knows what's in our hearts yet loves us . . . and He does. He knows our fears and our delights, every pain, joy, and dream. He sympathizes with our weaknesses and forgives all our sins. He hears all, sees all, and He comes close! He knows us completely, accepts us unconditionally, and loves us beyond measure.
What kind of God is this who would not give up on us wayward people? What kind of God would send His only Son to die in our place so we could live with Him forever? What kind of God would create galaxies, angels, and natural wonders -- yet stoop to love us?
God went to all lengths to redeem you. He stretched through time and space to reach out to you, and sent His own Son to free you. From the most exalted position in the universe, from the uppermost, outermost limits, He did what no one had ever done -- Jesus set aside His majesty and slipped into skin. He shed His glory, traversed time and space and found a home in the womb of a teenage girl -- so that one day He could make His home in your heart. On the cross, He spread His arms wide to embrace you, accept you, and include you. His love reaches deep into our doubts and fears, soothes our hearts, and draws us close.
This Christmas, may you rest in the knowledge that every unique detail and 'facet' of you is known by a loving Father, who pours out His life and creativity and love for you. And as that reality floods your heart, may you be filled with such deep peace and joy that you shine with a rich and luminous glow -- just like mom's ornaments!
"Arise and shine for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you . . . then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy!" Isaiah 60:1,5
Love and Merry Christmas!
I'd love to hear about your favorite traditions too. Share them--Post your comments here!
You can be honest. Nobody's reading over your shoulder. It's just you and me and . . . OK . . . well . . . God.
Do you ever feel this way? You look around and all you see are the things you don't have: the bank account that's dwindling, the bills that can't be paid, the things you want to buy and can't afford, the career and love life you've dreamed of that haven't happened, the blessings that everyone seems to be enjoying except you.
And in our current economic crisis it seems impossible not to be fearful, hopeless, and doubtful about the future. I hate to admit I've felt like that more than once. One day recently I realized that I was becoming exhausted--emotionally, physically, and spiritually--from thinking about and scrambling after what I didn't have. It seemed that the more I focused on what was lacking in my life, the more anxious, bitter, and depressed I became; and the more anxious and depressed I got, the more I focused on the lack. It was a vicious cycle.
Then God invaded my mind. You need to know Me better, He whispered softly. "Uh, NO God, I need to you help me!" I blurted in my fear. You need to know Me better, He whispered again. Pray Paul's prayer to the Ephesians. Open your eyes!
In Ephesians 1:17-19, I saw where God was leading me, so I prayed Paul's prayer for myself:
I keep asking that You, the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, will give me the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that I may know You better. I pray also that the eyes of my heart may be enlightened in order that I may know the hope to which You have called me, the riches of Your glorious inheritance in the saints, and Your incomparably great power for us who believe.
"The eyes of my eyes are opened." e.e. cummings
And an amazing thing happened--the eyes of my heart were enlightened. They were opened. It was as if I was shaken from a deep, self-centered sleep. For the first time in a long time, I began to look at my life with new eyes, and I saw how much I had for which to be grateful. I was humbled as I realized what amazing riches I had in my life, and I mourned the fact that I had taken so much abundance for granted. How could I keep praying "more Lord, more" when I didn't even appreciate what I already had?
To build my attitude of gratitude, I made a list of my life's blessings: a relationship with God, a loving husband, a wonderful family, good health, dear and faithful friends, sweet dogs to cuddle, work I love.
Then I added the blessings in the past that paved the way for what I now enjoy: my parents' love and sacrifices, early encouragers and mentors, my education, my career, my life experiences and challenges, even the pain and difficulties that come that shape who I am.
As my list grew, I became overwhelmed with gratitude to God. I began giving thanks for everything: the first whiff of coffee in the morning, the iceberg roses in my garden, my husband's healing hugs, the painting in my living room that always nourishes my soul, the juicy peaches from our orchard, my mother's cheerful voice and laughter, our grandson's beaming smile and tender heart, the iphone that's totally changed my life! I began to appreciate the small but powerful gifts of the everyday. The eyes of my heart were enlightened, and I saw some of the riches of my glorious inheritance in the saints. As I looked at my list, I realized that I was a very rich woman indeed.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. Psalm 107:8-9
Open your eyes and heart and take another look at your own life. Do you have a place to sleep, food on your table, friends and family you love and who love you, clothes to wear, music and beauty and sights that delight you, a dream that excites you? Then stop--right now--and give thanks. Let gratitude overflow in your heart.
Let's satisfy our hunger for the "good life" that we think others lead by recognizing the many blessings that already exist in our own lives. And then let's offer God the gift of our grateful hearts, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:20.
There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart. Celia Thaxter
May you be Abounding in Thanksgiving this holiday season!
